{Have you ever taken the time to think about all of the skills you have acquired or the feats you have accomplished during your time as a teacher? There is no way for me to ever summarize all of the things that being in the classroom taught me. I attribute a majority of who I am today to my five years spent with my little humans. I was not even close to the best, most experienced or most effective teacher. I could work until 11 pm and still constantly feel like I could or should be doing more or better. But the fact that I still have relationships with students and parents from my very first year teaching makes me feel like I did something right. There is no fool-proof manual for how to be a great teacher. What made me a “good teacher” wasn’t the level of engagement, rigor or differentiation in my lessons. It wasn’t the fact that my literacy centers always ran with finesse (because trust me, they didn’t..lol), or that my classroom management was second to none.}

When sitting down to reflect on all of the important aspects that potentially comprised my success in the classroom, one monumental concept comes to mind: I built caring relationships.

So, why is building caring relationships the secret to being a great teacher?

1. When kids know you care, they feel safe. Research from decades ago, including Maslow’s work, tells us that kids must have their basic needs of physiology and safety met before they can reach their full potential. 

Yes, safety and security are really listed as a “basic need.” If kids know you genuinely care about them, they feel safe in your classroom. For some kids, school is the main place they can come to get warm and get food. Think about how common it is for school to also be the main place kids can come to feel safe and loved. You wouldn’t want your kids to leave hungry or cold. Don’t let them leave without knowing they’re loved.

 2. When you model how to build caring relationships, kids will mirror those skills and build positive  relationships with others.

One critical component of teaching is “modeling” for our kids. We model the steps for countless processes, such as addition, division, solving word problems, the scientific method, and reading fluency. Why not model ways to create positive, caring relationships with others? Pay attention to the things your kids say and do throughout the day. I bet you will recognize little mannerisms or phrases they have picked up from you. If you show them what it looks like to forgive, accept and care, they are much more likely to treat their peers in those same ways.

3. When kids know you genuinely care, they will work harder for you—Even kids that don’t seem to care about   their performance in school will care about it if you care about it.

I can’t be the only one who has graded a devastating load of F’s after having a Sub on test day, only to return and give the same test the very next day and have 90% of the class pass with flying colors. Or open a graph depicting an immense lack of growth after my students took a STAR benchmark assessment while I was out. There are plenty of arguments and other variables out there for why these things could happen.. I get that. However, I just know that I quickly learned to never give a test on a day that I’m absent. Scores increased tremendously just with me in the room. Why? Because they knew I cared, and they don’t want to disappoint someone who cares so much about them! I know one student, in particular, that does her very best on her homework for a certain teacher, because she knows how much that teacher cares about her and her performance. This student always completes her homework for the other classes, but she doesn’t put anywhere near the time, effort or attempts at perfectionism that she does on the homework for this certain teacher. Some kids are intrinsically motivated to do their best for themselves. On the other hand, some kids are extrinsically motivated by things like tangibles, attention or the desire to please someone else. Plain and simple, if kids know you care about them and their performance, they will care more too.

4. Creating caring relationships with kids and families bridges the gap between home and school.

If kids know you care about them, chances are that their parents will know you care about their kid as well. Parents are much more likely to volunteer, ensure homework is done, and hold their child accountable for a teacher who they have a good relationship with. Relationships open the door for communication and a partnership between school and home which is so important in a child’s education and success. Also, if you ever do have to call parents or report not-so-pleasant information, it goes much more smoothly (and with 10x less awkwardness) with parents that you already know and have a good relationship with. Kids will also look forward to coming to school because they like being places where they are cared about.

5. Most importantly, your kids NEED you to care.

We all need someone who cares about us. Even if your efforts to build a relationship with their family fails miserably or they never receive a passing score whether you are there or gone, your kids NEED you to care about them. There are so many kids out there who barely care about themselves. There are kids who have been knocked down by the world time and time again… They’ve never been dealt a single face card while other kids are holding a royal flush. They need you. They need you to take the time to really get to know them; bandage their boo-boo’s; tell them it’s okay to make mistakes; ask about their sick grandpa; hug them when they’re not smiling as much one day; listen when they talk; calm their worries; and make them see how special they are.

—Lord knows my class was not always the best behaved or the highest achieving. Each day in the classroom, I was presented with new barriers to overcome; new conflicts to resolve; new failures; and new lessons. There were days I sat praying for the last dismissal announcement because I just felt completely defeated. During even my toughest days, the one constant that I held strong to was my relationships with my kids. The most important thing to me above all else was that my kids knew they were loved and cared about and that I did my very best to teach, model, and encourage them to build those same relationships with others. My kids and their families may not remember the homework I gave, all the books we read or the activities we did (though I am sure some might), but what I do know is that they will remember how I treated them. They will remember that I cared. They will remember that I listened and that I loved them. My number one piece of advice to teachers, new and old, is to build and foster caring relationships with your kids and their families.♥